Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
