Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
