Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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