What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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