I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
