im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
