were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
