dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
