just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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