I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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