she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
