omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
