So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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