I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize