im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Houston, we have a blender
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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