Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Boobs are out for the taking
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
