i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize