When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
