Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
