3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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