He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
