8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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