Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
