I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you inspire me to be a worse person
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize