lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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