I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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