if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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