Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Someone came in the potted fern
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
