He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
