I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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