I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
