i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
