My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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