I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
