I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
