i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
