so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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