Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
