Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
