i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize