My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
