thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
