Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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