We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize