remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
