This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
