i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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