dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
