dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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