I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
