wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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