I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
