If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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