Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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