Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
