If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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