a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize