maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
