Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
