I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
