I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
