Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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