No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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