she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
