I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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