So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
