In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
