Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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